SIBLING PREPARATION

Suggestions and thoughts for helping your child adjust to becoming a big brother or sister.

Before the baby's born you may want to:

• Help them feel a sense of "control" in what's happening to the family.
  • Include them in preparation - getting room ready, buying baby supplies, childproofing.
  • Do any bedroom/bed changes long before the baby's birth.
  • Include on prenatal visits and/or tour of the Birth Center.
  • Prepare them for the time you'll be separated during labor and hospital stay. Rehearse the childcare plans you have.
    • Let them pack a suitcase of activities for when they come to see you. 
    • Use a calendar and stickers to help "count the days" until mom comes home.
  • Talk openly about their place in the family (e.g., baby is not a "replacement," enough love for all, family as a "team").
• Help them understand what newborns are like.
  1. Visit a friend with a baby.
  2. Use magazines/books to see newborns, discuss their eating, sleeping, and crying patterns and why they cry).
  3. Look at their own baby photos/videos and talk about their birth, what they were like and your feelings.
  4. Introduce realistic limits to how much "hands on" helping they'll be doing.
  
• Help them to feel good about themselves (self esteem) as their role in the family changes (self image).
  
  1. Spend some one-on-one genuine encounter time with them every day.
  2. Book - 101 Ways to Make a Child Feel Special, by Vicki Lansky.
  3. Help them express their feelings in words.
  4. Delay any major developmental task changes until 6 months after the baby's arrival (when new routines are somewhat established)- e.g. toilet training, giving up bottle/pacifier/crib.
  5. Let them overhear you complimenting them.

During the hospital stay:

• Have your arms open to greet them first, then introduce the baby.
• Take along their photo to display in your room.
• Give them a "Big Brother/Sister" gift from you and/or the baby.
• Send a treat along to school/daycare to let them announce the baby's arrival.
• Leave hidden at home a small present or tape recorded message or story.
• Give them "clues" to find it to help with parting after a visit.
• Plan a birthday party for the baby - in the hospital or upon arriving home.

When the baby comes home:

• Have your arms open to greet them as you enter.
• Maintain their daily routine as much as possible - this means security to them.
• Prepare a feeding basket with baby feeding supplies and "big kid" small toys and books to have at your side.
• Let older child help with supplies/breast feeding/making formula.
• Have some new "big kid" drinking supplies on hand (e.g. fancy straws, sport bottles, small pitcher, or canteen).
• Plan special dates with just Mom and Dad.
• Purchase some small gifts that they can receive when baby gifts are being opened.
  Help them to express normal negative feelings in a safe/comfortable way.
  1. Expressive play - action figures, art work, play dough, pounding toys.
  2. Expose to "role modeling" ways of expressing feelings - e.g. books, your example.
  Don't work to eliminate negative feelings (e.g. jealousy, attention getting, regression, nightmares) but to recognized and understand your child's feelings (most are very temporary.)
• Finally: Keep in mind that no parent can or should handle every situation in a textbook perfect way! Think about these ideas together - use only what sounds right for your family.